My son was born February 14, 2010, and did not survive. He was only 17 weeks old when we went into labor, and it would have taken a miracle. We were not granted the miracle we wanted. The lord walks this path with us, I just do not understand where the path is taking us.
This is on my mind today since I had to call the funeral home to schedule the baby memorial. The memorial is a group event for parents like us that lost their child during birth or had late term miscarriages. This really puts a period at the end of the sentence for me. Now that I know the date of this service, all my old feelings of loss and sadness have returned.
I still know I cannot ask the "why's", that is a path with no light or end. I am still angry this happened and sad at the thought my boy would be two months old right now.
This has tested, not broken, my faith. Through this all I am grateful for God, my family and friends. Most importantly I am glad I have my wife Jenny. I admire her strength through this, and am not sure I could have made it without her. I'm sure she thinks I helped her through this, when in fact God helped us help each other through this. We would not make it through this time with just the two of us. Our partner in marriage is Jesus, and He is carrying us when we need it, and helping us carry each other. And maybe, my son is sitting on my shoulder when I need him, saying "Don't worry Daddy, I love you both, and I'm OK."
I sure hope he is there with angel's wings looking out for us both today.