Monday, April 25, 2011

Dear Joe

Dearest Joseph,

As your Mother and I approach your sibling’s birth, my thoughts often tend in your direction. We are doing so many things we were never able to do for you. I have built a crib, built shelves and bought some take home outfits for both a boy and girl. I wanted to do all these things for you. I guess that is the reason I have wanted to write you this letter, it is an apology of sorts. I never will forget holding you in my hands. Never. You hold such a special place in my heart, I cannot truly put down the feelings to words. What I want you to know is, no matter what we lavish upon our new baby, no matter how the child gets loved, no matter if the Grandparents spoil, no matter what we teach this child, our hearts will always remember you. You gave us the special understanding of how precious it can be to have pregnancy. Without you, we could not have been the people we are today. I feel like in some way we are betraying you. Like this should have all been for you, but I know this is my human emotion taking over. You will always be our little Angel, hopefully looking out for, and being a Guardian Angel for your soon to be brother or sister. You Mother has spent almost two years on this journey, and she could use a Guardian Angel like you to get her through the next two months too. I really missed you on opening day for the Indians; this is certainly something we would have done together. I read an article in the paper that day; it was about how opening day is bout family, not about the teams. Opening day is about the memories of family heading out to the game, heading out to have a hot dog and a pop together. Opening day represents the end of a long winter, and the eternal promise of spring. Your Mother and I are heading to our opening day, our moment when we can finally turn our backs on this long wither, and look forward to the warmth and promise of better days. Just know, this season change in our lives does not, and will never, include turning from you. Only with the memory and love we have for you are we strong enough to move forward. Only with the grace that God have given us (yes, through all this, it is still with His Grace), we are able to be as strong as we can be, and allow ourselves to be in love with this new baby. Only with the utmost love for you, are we able to see our new light. Thank you for giving us all your little body could give us. I will respect your strength and suffering by trying to be the best Father I can be. And maybe if you have the time, you can sit upon my shoulder from time to time, and be a Guardian Angel just for me.