Exerpt From The Alchemist

“When each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Would you be my best friend?

I was listening to a Marvel Comics podcast the other day and this particular episode featured the singer of a current rock band called Yellowcard. I have heard their name, but couldn't pick a Yellowcard song out of a lineup if I had too. The singer was a pretty interesting guy, and was a fun listen, so I thought I should check out their music. While I was at the Library with my daughter over the weekend, I randomly picked up the 2012 Yellowcard album called Southern Air, a totally arbitrary pick. None of my normal deep research, over thinking and careful selection of music, just a quick grab.

Driving into work yesterday, I popped the album on, and gave it a listen. My first impression is it was squeaky clean, highly produced pop-rock from the 2000's that I really do not care for. I almost turned it off for my normal podcasts or depressing Cleveland sports radio. But this time, I said, no I will listen to the entire album once. I do believe that albums are meant to be listened to in their entirety, not picked apart as singles. As I was nearing the end, gladly in my mind, a song called Ten came on. (The lyrics to the song are included at the end of my post for reference)

This song hit me hard, I was in tears for the entire track. You see Valentine's Day is one of the worst days of the year for me. This is the day my wife gave birth to our first child Joseph, a day he didn't survive. I said hello and goodbye to my boy on Valentine's Day. The song is about the loss of a child, before you ever had the time to become friends, drive to school or watch Star Wars together in your PJ's. The song questions if you would be best friends, the song questions what would have been. Over the last five years since Joe's birth, the intense daily pain has faded away, and the joyous days I have with our two children have definitely taken over. But we still have moments from time to time, when the feelings flood back. It takes only the comment "I had a Joe moment" between my wife and I and we know the day was tough. This was one of those moments. To randomly find my way to this song, just two days before my son's birthday is a blessing. Even though sad, moments like this cause me to truly treasure my family and all the blessings. I would not be who I am today without all the experiences of my life, good and bad. I will never understand the pain parents have to go through losing a child, but talking and writing about it helps me. 

Joe is a part of my life, and no Valentine's Day will ever be the same. I miss him and wish I could have built a pillow fort together, made him laugh, read him some comics, watched Star Wars in our PJ's or just be his friend. Luckily, I have two beautiful kids to do all these things with and more. Not everyone gets that chance. And I know Joe looks over their little shoulders like a guardian angel, After all, I pray he does every single day. One day I will get to meet him, and hopefully I lived a life that he's proud to call me his best friend, and maybe tell his friends he thinks I'm cool...OK that might be a stretch.

I love you buddy.

Ten by Yellowcard

I found out in the fall. I've been gone

On the road for a year

She said,

"Honey, I've got real bad news" and

Then there were just tears

And we would never be the same again

Since then I've often wondered

What you might have been like

How it would have felt to hold you,

Would you have my eyes?

Don't you think we would've been best friends?

You would be ten and I'd be

Driving you to school

You would tell all your friends

That you thought I was cool

And you would have

All the love in my heart

Yeah, you would have

All the love in my heart

We were twenty-two years young then

Breaking rules all around

We were

Moving in that first apartment

It felt like it was never gonna end

Both so lost and crazy

We were young so we ran

Now I live in a dream where I am

Holding your little hands

I never got to meet you, my best friend

You would be ten and I'd be

Driving you to school

You would tell all your friends

That you thought I was cool

You would be out in the sun

Until it was gone

You would be watching Star Wars

With your PJ's on

And you would have

All the love in my heart

Yeah, you would have

All the love in my heart

Don't you think we would have been best friends?

You would be ten and I'd be

Driving you to school

You would tell all your friends

That you thought I was cool

You would be out in the sun

Until it was gone

You would be watching Star Wars

With your PJ's on

You would be playing tunes on

On your first guitar

You would be harmony to

Every single part of me

And you have

All the love in my heart

Yeah, you would have

All the love in my heart