I've begun to think that winter is not a season as much as a foul temptress. She looks so pretty, and is fun to play in...but her underbelly is water. Water is the universal solvent, and no matter how much I have prepared my house, water always seems to say hi.
Bleach is another strong solvent, it wipes away dirt, mildew and other icky stuff. It's funny to think how pissy I was about doing some cleaning tonight, but the reasons are so important. I'm going through my own bleaching right now. I'm looking at the tub of my soul, and scrubbing away what isn't good for me. It starts with the mind. Once my mind is set, I normally tend to be rather focused. This time around I have some great reasons to focus on being the best I can, but it's been hard to get out the bleach so to say.
I'm getting there, and good mind & body are like water working its way through a door jamb, you can try to stop it, but it will get through. I can see the drops of my re-focusing dripping in my habits. I just need to not be afraid to commit enough to let them flow.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Not much
Tonight I haven't that much to say. I am up too late, and need to get my sleeping habits in line so I have more energy during the day. Note to self, don't start software updates at 11 PM.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Dash to the new year
Had a great weekend away with family. Nine of us rented a house at Deep Creek Lake, Maryland, and spent 5 days relaxing, laughing, enjoying the outdoors and reflecting. This was the mini-break I needed before the rush of the next month occurs.
Lot's to get done with both work and family, but I need to maintain the focus in the right areas at the right times. I have never had so much pressure and scrutiny as I will face at work closing out the year, but there are truly much more important things to worry about. Family and health are just two easy ones that pop to mind. That's not to say I won't tighten focus and deliver at work, but I will do it with the right attitude and mindset.
I'm also looking forward to the primordial ooze of health crawling back out of the depths of the bog and growing some legs. I really enjoyed the two hikes I took over the weekend. The one with the family was fun, I really enjoyed my nephews awe at some outdoors sights. But, I enjoyed my solo hike the most. I miss the solitude and peace of mind a walk, run or hike can give me. Not sure why I find the peace of being alone for a brief time so comforting. The soundtrack for my hike was new and perfect for a wintry walk. Bohren & der Club of Gore's Sunset Mission was just a great companion on the walk. Not sure how a contemporary German ambient jazz band found its way into my walk, but it worked.
As I start the dash on Monday, I need to remember my weekend and walk for some reason and inspiration. I want to finish 2010 strong on all fronts, and roll into a great new year.
Lot's to get done with both work and family, but I need to maintain the focus in the right areas at the right times. I have never had so much pressure and scrutiny as I will face at work closing out the year, but there are truly much more important things to worry about. Family and health are just two easy ones that pop to mind. That's not to say I won't tighten focus and deliver at work, but I will do it with the right attitude and mindset.
I'm also looking forward to the primordial ooze of health crawling back out of the depths of the bog and growing some legs. I really enjoyed the two hikes I took over the weekend. The one with the family was fun, I really enjoyed my nephews awe at some outdoors sights. But, I enjoyed my solo hike the most. I miss the solitude and peace of mind a walk, run or hike can give me. Not sure why I find the peace of being alone for a brief time so comforting. The soundtrack for my hike was new and perfect for a wintry walk. Bohren & der Club of Gore's Sunset Mission was just a great companion on the walk. Not sure how a contemporary German ambient jazz band found its way into my walk, but it worked.
As I start the dash on Monday, I need to remember my weekend and walk for some reason and inspiration. I want to finish 2010 strong on all fronts, and roll into a great new year.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Turkey's cannot fly
As I'm packing for the weekend trip I think to myself, man what do we need all this stuff for, It seems like such a phenomenal waste to pack so much for a 5 day trip. But, I think this comes from of a life of trying to Be Prepared. I somehow think I need to have a solution for every event possible under the sun. this can be draining at times, I just don't have the don't worry about it, it will work out mentality. It feels like a burden sometimes.
I think this mentality might be a part of my fear of starting down the long road to a healthy weight. I need to solve the problem now, and this is so overwhelming I cannot start the trip. I need to pack everything today I might need over the next 8 months or it will fail.
I know this isn't true, but I'm really struggling to make time and start consistent progress. Hopefully this weekend I will take some hikes and get my head clear of all the garbage at work and just think about my health. This means mentally, spiritually and physically. I have a lot to prepare for over the next 8 months, and I need some harmony to get there.
I just need to find my tune.
I think this mentality might be a part of my fear of starting down the long road to a healthy weight. I need to solve the problem now, and this is so overwhelming I cannot start the trip. I need to pack everything today I might need over the next 8 months or it will fail.
I know this isn't true, but I'm really struggling to make time and start consistent progress. Hopefully this weekend I will take some hikes and get my head clear of all the garbage at work and just think about my health. This means mentally, spiritually and physically. I have a lot to prepare for over the next 8 months, and I need some harmony to get there.
I just need to find my tune.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Morning Walk
My cousin has terminal cancer, and she has been more than positive throughout her experience. Her attitude is a model for most people in their own lives. She was so excited recently that her son engaged his girlfriend, it was good news for the whole family. Last night I received the worst call, my cousins' husband had a sudden massive heart attack and died. It left me heartbroken for all of them
I have had my own battle with the "why me's" in life, and I know there is no real answer to that questions, but I have to ask, why them? Neither my cousin, or her husband have been bad people in life. Actually they have been the opposite. I simply cannot imagine what they are going through right now. Their son is young and happily engaged, mom is bravely battling cancer, and now their rock is gone.
This has caused me to first pray for them, that they may find their way through this time. And, I have also refocused on my health. I have recently posted about a race for next year I have signed up for, but really done nothing to prepare yet. Well, last night was a wake up call. My cousin that died is less than 20 years older than me, and was very young to go. This morning, I strapped on my boots, and got outside for a walk. It's a meager start, but I have 8 months. As I was made very aware last night, 8 months is more than many get. Take each day and try to improve yourself, and impact someone else's life. Just one person. We never know when it will be our time to leave, so it's best we be our best self and love others everyday.
My walk this morning was full of sadness for my family, and re-commitment to myself. My thoughts and prayers today are for Chuck.
I have had my own battle with the "why me's" in life, and I know there is no real answer to that questions, but I have to ask, why them? Neither my cousin, or her husband have been bad people in life. Actually they have been the opposite. I simply cannot imagine what they are going through right now. Their son is young and happily engaged, mom is bravely battling cancer, and now their rock is gone.
This has caused me to first pray for them, that they may find their way through this time. And, I have also refocused on my health. I have recently posted about a race for next year I have signed up for, but really done nothing to prepare yet. Well, last night was a wake up call. My cousin that died is less than 20 years older than me, and was very young to go. This morning, I strapped on my boots, and got outside for a walk. It's a meager start, but I have 8 months. As I was made very aware last night, 8 months is more than many get. Take each day and try to improve yourself, and impact someone else's life. Just one person. We never know when it will be our time to leave, so it's best we be our best self and love others everyday.
My walk this morning was full of sadness for my family, and re-commitment to myself. My thoughts and prayers today are for Chuck.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Looking for my inner Warrior...
I am in a real health funk, and have been in for a year I think. They are really hard to see yourself when they start, but boy am I in it now. I weigh as much as I did when I started on here, which includes almost a 50 lb. weight loss the right way. Now I'm hovering around 270 lb mark again and I can't stand it.
There's a whole host of reasons for my current situation, but I don't want to dwell on the negative. I take ownership of my current well being.
For a month now a friend of mine has been talking about a race called the Warrior Dash. I didn't know much about it and did a little research online. The Warrior dash is around a 5k race with all kinds of fun looking obstacles & mud along the way. It looks like just the kind of event I would love. Sadly, I ignored the emails since I just didn't feel like my current day self could prepare for or survive this event. This was an embarrassing time for me. Just a year ago I was 50 lbs lighter and could have kicked this events butt. Now I feel like a quitter.
Over the weekend my buddy again copied me on an email that he was signing up. I instantly said I wouldn't in an email reply...but this was killing me. I was angry at myself for giving up. A day later, I just signed up! Wow!
I now have 8 months to prepare and don't know where to start but I am excited for the first time in a long time. My wife supports me and I know I can do it.
The one thing I know is I will need a lot of support to turn myself around, and I'll look to Spark People to gain momentum as I track my progress.
I'm not sure what I've gotten in to here, but here goes!
http://www.warriordash.com/register2011_ohio.php
There's a whole host of reasons for my current situation, but I don't want to dwell on the negative. I take ownership of my current well being.
For a month now a friend of mine has been talking about a race called the Warrior Dash. I didn't know much about it and did a little research online. The Warrior dash is around a 5k race with all kinds of fun looking obstacles & mud along the way. It looks like just the kind of event I would love. Sadly, I ignored the emails since I just didn't feel like my current day self could prepare for or survive this event. This was an embarrassing time for me. Just a year ago I was 50 lbs lighter and could have kicked this events butt. Now I feel like a quitter.
Over the weekend my buddy again copied me on an email that he was signing up. I instantly said I wouldn't in an email reply...but this was killing me. I was angry at myself for giving up. A day later, I just signed up! Wow!
I now have 8 months to prepare and don't know where to start but I am excited for the first time in a long time. My wife supports me and I know I can do it.
The one thing I know is I will need a lot of support to turn myself around, and I'll look to Spark People to gain momentum as I track my progress.
I'm not sure what I've gotten in to here, but here goes!
http://www.warriordash.com/register2011_ohio.php
Monday, September 27, 2010
Memorial
My son was born February 14, 2010, and did not survive. He was only 17 weeks old when we went into labor, and it would have taken a miracle. We were not granted the miracle we wanted. The lord walks this path with us, I just do not understand where the path is taking us.
This is on my mind today since I had to call the funeral home to schedule the baby memorial. The memorial is a group event for parents like us that lost their child during birth or had late term miscarriages. This really puts a period at the end of the sentence for me. Now that I know the date of this service, all my old feelings of loss and sadness have returned.
I still know I cannot ask the "why's", that is a path with no light or end. I am still angry this happened and sad at the thought my boy would be two months old right now.
This has tested, not broken, my faith. Through this all I am grateful for God, my family and friends. Most importantly I am glad I have my wife Jenny. I admire her strength through this, and am not sure I could have made it without her. I'm sure she thinks I helped her through this, when in fact God helped us help each other through this. We would not make it through this time with just the two of us. Our partner in marriage is Jesus, and He is carrying us when we need it, and helping us carry each other. And maybe, my son is sitting on my shoulder when I need him, saying "Don't worry Daddy, I love you both, and I'm OK."
I sure hope he is there with angel's wings looking out for us both today.
This is on my mind today since I had to call the funeral home to schedule the baby memorial. The memorial is a group event for parents like us that lost their child during birth or had late term miscarriages. This really puts a period at the end of the sentence for me. Now that I know the date of this service, all my old feelings of loss and sadness have returned.
I still know I cannot ask the "why's", that is a path with no light or end. I am still angry this happened and sad at the thought my boy would be two months old right now.
This has tested, not broken, my faith. Through this all I am grateful for God, my family and friends. Most importantly I am glad I have my wife Jenny. I admire her strength through this, and am not sure I could have made it without her. I'm sure she thinks I helped her through this, when in fact God helped us help each other through this. We would not make it through this time with just the two of us. Our partner in marriage is Jesus, and He is carrying us when we need it, and helping us carry each other. And maybe, my son is sitting on my shoulder when I need him, saying "Don't worry Daddy, I love you both, and I'm OK."
I sure hope he is there with angel's wings looking out for us both today.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Should I use this for more than random reviews & posts?
I may give this a try, blogging opinions and experiences once a week.
Monday, June 21, 2010
My Review of M.H.Bertucci Titanium Nylon Watch
This analog watch is sleek enough to wear indoors and rugged enough to use outdoors.
Simple, light and classic.
By Mark M. from Cleveland, OH on 6/21/2010
Gift: No
Pros: Stylish, Comfortable
Best Uses: Travel, Daily Use, Work
Describe Yourself: Athletic, Practical
I normally lean towards watches that have gadgets and features, so this purchase is a bit of a diversion. I love the light feel, and classic look. The watch band is nice, but I'll probably replace it with a "The band" type strap eventually anyway. The one piece design, with no pins, is perfect for strap type watches.
(legalese)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
My Review of REI Mojave Polo Shirt - Men's
This classic polo shirt is made of a breathable, moisture-wicking, quick-dry fabric to keep you comfortable in warm and humid climates.
The best casual golf style shirts I own.
By Mark M. from Cleveland, OH on 4/22/2010
Gift: No
Chest Size: Feels true to size
Sleeve Length: Feels true to length
Pros: Dries Easily, Breathable, Comfortable, Stylish
Best Uses: Work, Travel, Casual Wear
Describe Yourself: Casual/ Recreational
This shirt is the best, most comfortable, golf style shirt I own. I have a few now, since I just love to wear them. My uses are for work and weekend wear. You could also use for camping, but I don't want to wear them out too quick.
(legalese)
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
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